Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
