Redeem this text for a blowjob
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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