I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
