I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
