That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
