He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
