She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Found your dick twin last night
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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