spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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