Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Randomize
