awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
