News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
No more Irish car bombs ever.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Randomize
