I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize