If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Never underestimate the power of titties
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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