shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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