Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
