Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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