Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
