24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
