I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
