Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
