the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
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About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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