I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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