Life is so much better after having sex.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
