i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
