i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
