you're like a bully in the Christmas story
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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