he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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