if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
