Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
