Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Who died my cat blue again?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
