Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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