just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
