If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
