you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
