When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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