she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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