the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
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Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
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After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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