i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
