playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
