Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
