Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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