Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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