I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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