I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Still dying that you shit outside
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
