This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Randomize
