I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
