Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
