Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
