Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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