after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
