I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I currently don't understand fingers.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
