today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
