my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
