in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
