I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Randomize
