16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
