dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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