How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
