i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
