I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
