By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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