Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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