I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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