I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
