I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize