All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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