You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
