my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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