Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
