Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
