I want to have your abortion
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
