your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
