I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
